I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
