My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
