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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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