apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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