Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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