he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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