The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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