I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
