i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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