How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
