My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
