I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
