Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
