woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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