Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
