I need help removing her.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
