so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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