she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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