uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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