conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
