there was a trapeze. enough said
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am one with the molecules
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
