Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
