They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
