Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
