dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
