the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
