then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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