I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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