I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
