ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
