Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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