if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
