yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
