You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
