So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
