M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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