where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
