Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
