I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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