Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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