I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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