yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
