My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
