gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
