I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
