guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
