His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
