He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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