just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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