barbara walters just said penis...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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