if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
