i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
