I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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